


A Mind In Shambles

by afrostpatternintherain



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Disappointment, Fear of Death, Gen, mentions of cannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7829134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afrostpatternintherain/pseuds/afrostpatternintherain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An insight into Takizawa's mind after Chapter 89. </p><p>I defeated Tatara, so why can't I be good enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Mind In Shambles

 

I defeated Tatara. I _saved_ them. Shouldn’t I be a hero, respected and valued? So why are they fighting me?

Am I not good enough? I’m not good enough for them, I be that’s it. Always number two, always the second choice.

What was all of this for then? The hurt, the pain, the humiliation, the murders, my family. Everything I did has been a waste of time?

Once again I’m only second best. Amon, Akira, Houji, everyone. Why are you fighting _me_?

Where is the enemy, are you telling me _I_ am the enemy? I saved you, I am supposed to be your hero, your savior. I killed Tatara,

Didn’t I try to change for you guys, didn’t I? I’ve become more and more of a monster, isn’t it true?

Am I afraid, you ask? No, I’ve lost the ability to feel fear a long time ago. You won’t kill me, am i right? It’s all just a cruel joke I don’t get, isn’t it?

Still, I’m not good enough for you? Will I ever be good enough? Perhaps I’ll always stay Takizawa the second.

Mother, tell me why I’m always the second best, where did I go wrong? Whatever I did, I just wanted to save them, yes that’s the truth.

I devoured ghouls, I devoured humans, I devoured _you_ , mother. Death is inevitable.

Still, I don’t want to die just yet. Don’t let me die, I can’t die like this, without anyone understanding me.

I’m a human? I’m a ghoul? Which one do _they_ think I am, I ask myself.

What have I done to deserve this, shouldn’t I be treated like a hero, after all I did for them? After killing _him_?

They want to kill me now.

You’re a monster, they say. You’re a murderer, you don’t deserve to live, they say?

Am I not a good person, mother? I always ate my greens, I’m supposed to be a good person.

My mind is in shambles again, someone stop this endless screeching filling my brain.

Don’t fight me, I’m not the enemy. I saved you.

I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, _please don’t let me die_.

Someone come and save me from this tragedy. I wanna live, give me back my life, give me back everything I deserve.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is really short, but Seidou is one of my favourite characters and after the newest chapter, I somehow found myself writing this. I am in pain and everything hurts I just want him to be happy.


End file.
